Walking on our property this is absolutely the ugliest it has been since the day in April last year when we first explored. It is brown and muddy, drab and dreary. Grass is starting to turn green but is all patchy right now and there are piles of building materials EVERYWHERE. The daffodils here and there are lonely sentinels to the coming spring.
New Life is Coming
But I know that we are only days away from a full awakening. The birds and frogs are starting to chirp. The creeks are swollen with spring rain that means trees will begin budding and pastures filling in. The slow, cold days of winter have given in to more work that we know what to do with. Garden beds are being built, new pastures fenced, the new cabin is all marked out and almost ready for piers. Every day we have to stop and think about what is the most important right now because many areas demand our attention. We have to be intentional to stop and play and rest and laugh together and realize it will all get done, eventually.
In this moment, poised between the death of winter and the new life of spring, I am filled with hope. Although it is a mess now, I can visualize walkways and fruit trees, berry bushes and gardens.
What an incredible picture of our lives. There is a moment for all of us, poised between death and new life when we must choose. Whom today will I serve? Will I die to my own wants, needs and desires in order to receive the fullness of the new life in Christ that is promised to me if I take up my cross and follow Him daily?
What does that even mean, to deny myself and take up my cross and follow Him? Can I be honest? When I first did the Jesus thing, I thought I was accepting Him as my Savior so He would make my life better here on earth and I would get to go to heaven. I didn’t really grasp the “Lord” part of Lord and Savior.
When I die to myself today, it is really kind of ugly. Like the brown, muddy pasture outside my door. I really want MY way. I told my son the other day, much to his surprise, that I want to choose my own schedule, eat what I desire, watch a good girly movie, have my bathroom in the same building where I spend most of my days, and take a drive rather than cut up a tree that is in our way.
Sometimes I feel like the proverbial toddler, kicking and screaming inside because my self is feeling rather selfish. But every day, I make the decision to serve my KING. I set my heart to serve Him with my words, thoughts and actions. When I do this, then throughout the day, I realign. I seek Him for wisdom, my to-do list, how to hold my tongue when I want to lash out in anger, and being quick to repent when I get it wrong.
Taking up my cross isn’t when my son tests my patience during home school or when my husband tracks mud in the house tiny cottage for the umpteenth time. Taking up my cross, is doing whatever Jesus asks of me, right now, no matter the consequences. For Jesus, the consequence was excruciating pain and spilling every drop of His blood on the cross for all of us. In saying yes to Jesus, I have said yes to freezing on the streets of NY with a demonized man yelling in my face because He didn’t like that we were praying with a woman. I have said yes to standing in front of crowds as an introvert and sharing my heart and my love for my Savior. And now, I have said yes to living radically different than I ever have.
Trust and Obey
“Trust and Obey, for there’s no other way, to be happy in Jesus but to Trust and Obey,” is how the old hymn goes.
Every day I look at death…the death of my will and desires…and choose to trust and obey. I don’t have the full picture of what it will all look but I KNOW spring is coming. New life is mine. I have to trust and obey.